Tuesday, October 03, 2006
MARKETING AND WHAT IT REALLY MEANShave you ever picked up your favourite product and wondered "hey, wonder what this means?" Well, we at blue collar rejects are proud to reveal exactly WHAT they mean when they print something on their products.
- no preservatives = we make sure it spoils hours after you buy it so you have to buy another one
- keep out of reach of children = we don't want to get sued
- permitted preservatives added = we bribed someone to spray liquid nitrogen on all our products
- all natural = we were too cheap to process it
- organic = we dump shit on it and double the price
- toxic when swallowed = warning is not a challenge for you to eat this.
- sugar-free/fat free = we don't want to make it enjoyable for you
- on offer = no one wants to buy this
- keep in a cool and dry place = ie your empty cranium
- we care = money is god
AND NOW YOU KNOW!!
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn);and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust;his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers:I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone. If you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
page 6.. the end
Friday, September 22, 2006
page 5! hey hey hey!
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
page 4!! and spammers go to hell!!
